


Seeing Things

by sad_cat



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Angst, Drowning, M/M, Nightmares, Slow Burn, They/Themrey, does this actually count as slow burn, fresh outta black mesa, gordon is not okay™, joshua aint real in this one sorry :/, nightmarenightmarenightmare, non binary benrey, not ai, theres some fluff here too dw, this is my first writing thing for hlvrai so its kinda cringe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_cat/pseuds/sad_cat
Summary: Post party and post Black Mesa, Gordon's life should've returned back to normal. Key word- should've..Your typical "after the end and benrey comes back woo"
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 366





	1. im a great cool

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KrandoKon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrandoKon/gifts).



The streets were uncharacteristically empty as Gordon Freeman walked home. His HEV suit seemed extra heavy at that moment, most likely due to the pure exhaustion he felt. He could practically feel the grime on his skin, along with all the dried blood and random other stains and splotches. He wondered how he could've possibly moved around so quickly in Black Mesa.

The party had ended only a little bit ago, with Bubby and Coomer heading out together, and Tommy departing with his dad, leaving Gordon to go home on his own. They'd all promised to keep in touch, maybe meet up again after they'd all settled down. Wearily shuffling into his small apartment, he looked down as his foot hit something. A thick pile of mail fell over in front of him, a few envelopes marked with a bright red font. He nudged the pile to the side, continuing on into the apartment. He wandered almost absent-mindedly into his bedroom, beginning to peel the HEV suit away. Dropping the blood stained suit to the floor, something got caught the corner of his vision. Looking up and out the doorway, his breath caught when he saw a figure peeking around the corner of the hallway. He blinked in disbelief, and the figure turned out to be a coat rack he'd forgotten he had.

"Ok, that-that's just normal and fine. I'm good. It's all good." Gordon muttered to himself, walking out to find his bathroom. Each step he took, the carpet puffed up a small cloud of dust, indicating the fact he'd been gone for so long. Everything else was probably covered in dust too, another problem he would have to deal with. Stepping into the bathroom and flicking the light on, he swore he saw someone behind the shower curtain. He jumped back, instinctively raising his right hand to attack. Blinking, he saw that the bathroom was empty when he opened his eyes again. Walking in again, he caught glimpse of himself in the mirror.

"Wow. I look like actual shit." he said aloud. Leaning closer, Gordon rubbed his finger down his cheek, pulling it away to see the dirt that was caked on. Flicking it into the sink, he turned on the shower. The steam filled the room while he waited for it to heat up. The plan, at its most basic, was to get clean and sleep. For a long time. Maybe a few days.

 _When's the last time I actually has a full night's sleep?_ Gordon thought, recalling the few times he actually remembered going to sleep and waking up after. There was the time by the rocket launcher, that weird single storage room after his hand got cut, that one undiscernible area.. It felt too quick, but after a few minutes Gordon was mostly clean. He stepped out and dried himself off quickly, eager to sleep. Throwing on an old t shirt and pajama pants, he nearly collapsed into bed. Sleep was almost instant for the scientist, and he sank into oblivion.

...

Looming above him stood the form of the security guard that pestered him from the start.

"yoo man, stop shooting at me, that means i gotta shoot back." they said, and gunfire rang through the area. Liquid sloshed at the Science Team's™ feet, the cavern filled with sound. The group shot wildly at them, but nothing seemed to work.

"I don't think they're taking any kind of damage!" Gordon screamed, dodging a skeleton that flew past him.

"hey man." Suddenly, Gordon wasn't in the cavern anymore. His eyes darted around, searching for The Science Team, but there was nothing. It was pitch black for as far as he could see. Well, except for one thing.

Them.

Just as Gordon finally got a clear view of them, they vanished, leaving him alone.

"Where-" he started, but something cut him off. Muddy water was up to his chest, and rising quickly. He tried to scream, but no sound came out. The water was up to his chin now, lapping at his face. He tried to start swimming up, but something was over his head, blocking him in. He tried to go the other way, only to find that walls had closed in on all sides. The water rose over his head and he closed his eyes.

...

His head shot off his pillow, his hand flying to his face to stop the water from entering. Blinking, Gordon realized that it was only a nightmare, and that he was alive and most certainly not drowning. His heart was still pounding when he looked at his alarm clock, which read 3:47 am. He had no clue as to what day it was, or how long he'd slept. He tried to roll back over and go to sleep, but found it difficult to even close his eyes without the image of _them_ flashing across his mind. Gordon decided that sleeping was a lost cause, and went to go do something else. He was still incredibly tired, and probably had no chance of getting any sort of work done, but it was better than laying wide awake in bed.

Picking up the pile of mail by the door, he sat down to shuffle through it. Bills, bills, spam mail, more bills. How long was he even in Black Mesa? There was no way in hell he could go back, if the facility was functional or not. There was no real reason to go anywhere anyway. Black Mesa was going to pay him and the rest of The Science Team a hefty amount to keep their mouths shut about what went down at the place. Keeping his head propped up on his hand, a wave of tiredness overcame him, and Gordon slipped into unconsciousness once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was chapter one..i hope i did it right lmao


	2. i feel a good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i. do not like writing g-man. at all  
> anyways heres chappy two..which is a whole bunch longer than the first one... yeah dont expect consistent word counts on these things lmao

A loud knocking is what woke him up. Gordon blinked his eyes open, seeing that he fell asleep at the table with the mail in front of him. He groggily lifted his head, and peeled his arm from the table. Another harsh knock sounded, making Gordon wince slightly.

"One second!" he called out, rubbing his eyes so maybe he could make it look like he didn't _just_ wake up. The knocking became almost frantic, erratic even, like someone was getting desperate. Gordon pulled the door open with a planned response in mind, but it died on his tongue. There was no one there. He looked down both ends of the hall, one of which ended in a wall, and the other in a stairwell. The light by the stairwell flickered, and in between dark and light, the silhouette of a person appeared, vanishing when the light stopped flickering.

"Hello?" Gordon said, hoping that maybe it was one of The Science Team playing a prank on him. No response. He glanced in each direction once more, and closed the door. Leaning against the frame, he held his head in his hands.

 _Cmon, Gordon, get it together! NO ONE IS HERE,_ he mentally scolded himself.

"They're dead, they're dead and they will not come back." he breathed, trying his hardest to calm his now pounding heartbeat. Opening his eyes, he decided something needed to get done today, whether it be pay all the stupid overdue bills, clean up, or even figure out what day it was. He honestly didn't want to do any of it. Walking to the kitchen, it took a whole lot of willpower to skip by his bedroom and not collapse back into sleep. Gordon pulled a soda from the fridge, cracking it open and taking a sip. Only for him to immediately spit it out in the sink, since it was god knows how old. And flat. He dumped the rest of the can down the sink, then went to raid the pantry. It was nearly empty, the only things in there being a stale bag of chips and half a loaf of moldy bread. Gordon ate a few chips, but couldn't bring himself to eat any more. Grocery shopping was added to the to-do list.

He turned to face the rest of his apartment. Staring blankly into nothing, his nerves fired up when something moved in his peripheral vision.

 _It's nothing..It's..I'm fine._ Gordon thought as he went to inspect anyway. Just as predicted, the rest of the place was empty, save for him. Powering on the vacuum he went through the small carpeted areas. Almost immediately after powering down the vacuum, someone knocked on the door. He crept over to the door trying to make no sound. Slowly, Gordon placed his hand on the handle, then yanked the door open.

Something slammed directly into his chest, bowling him over and knocking the wind from his lungs. Panic set in instantly, Gordon trying to scramble away from the attacker. Something wet slobbered over his face as his hand hit something soft.

"Sunkist! Get-Get off Mr. Freeman!"

"Tommy?" Gordon said as the aforementioned man pulled the over-sized golden retriever off him and back into the hall. "What are you doing here?"

"Well Sunkist said that-that he missed you and-and he wanted to come see you!" Tommy exclaimed, hugging his weirdly tall dog. Gordon stood up and brushed himself off, somehow already covered in dog hair.

"Already? Hasn't it only been like.. two days?"

"M-Mr. Freeman, its been almost a week." Tommy said, a look of concern settling on his face.

"Oh, uh, yea, I know. So how are the others?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well Bubby and Mr. Coomer live together now! And Mr. Coomer said that-that he wanted to ask you something.. but I forgot what he said. So you'll just have to go and see him!"

"Well uh- that might have to wait for a bit, because I kinda sorta need to go grocery shopping." 

"Ooh! Can we come with?" Tommy asked.

"Uh, well, yea, but it might be a lot of walking since.. y'know, all our cars are back at Black Mesa." Gordon explained, walking out of the apartment and leaving the door unlocked. He didn't know where he left his spare key, and the other one was in his...car. He started to walk towards the stairwell, Tommy and Sunkist following.

"Well that's okay! We can just take Sunkist!"

Gordon was left almost completely speechless with confusion. Like, yeah, Sunkist is a pretty big dog, but- he didn't realize they were outside until the warm spring air hit his face. He looked over at Tommy, who had been chatting away about something- probably beyblades. By the time he looked at Sunkist, the dog was nearly the size of a horse. In fact- he might've been bigger at that point.

"Wait-how did- what?" Gordon said, exasperated.

"Don't you remember? Sunkist is-is the perfect dog!" he said, saddling up on top of the massive canine. Gordon silently mounted the dog, sitting close behind Tommy.

"So like how are we gonna-" Gordon's question was cut off by a scream as Sunkist took off. For any passerby, it would be quite a sight to see a dog, bigger than a horse, barreling down the road. With two grown ass men on top, one screaming like a girl. They were soon at their local Costco, slowing down around the edge of the parking lot. Tommy dismounted, while Gordon still clung tightly the the fur on Sunkist's back.

"M-Mr. Freeman, are you gonna come down?" Tommy asked, petting his dog.

"Uh- yea." he said, releasing his iron grip on the dog and sliding down the side. He patted the side of the dog and turned back to Tommy, who was already walking towards the store. "Thanks for waiting for me." Gordon grumbled when he caught up.

"Of course Mr. Freeman!"

The glass doors slid open with a chime, the lights glaring off the tile floors. Tommy seemed to be in awe at the place, staring up at the shelves reaching all the way to the ceiling. Gordon made a beeline for the food section, grabbing a basket along the way. Tommy followed along, occasionally stopping to look at some brightly colored thing or another. He picked out the essentials, milk, bread, a few eggs. Tommy came to him with a large pack of off-brand soda, the exact same as the ones that the Black Mesa vending machines were stocked with. Walking to the register, Gordon remembered something else he needed and turned around.

Only to stop dead in his tracks.

At the end of the aisle he was about to go down, standing in the shadow of a tall shelf, was an unmoving silhouette. Tommy came up behind him, stopping right next to him, apparently having seen the same thing. He grabbed Gordon's arm and pulled him away, neither taking their eyes off the figure until it was out of sight.

"M-Mr. Freeman? Did you- did you see that too?" Tommy asked an unresponsive Gordon.

 _Why is it here? Why is it here? Why is it here?_ the question tumbled through Gordon's head, blocking out anything else.

"Gordon?" Tommy said, snapping the other man out of his haze. It felt like the first time Tommy actually called him by name.

"Tommy I.. please tell me you saw that too." he said, keeping his head faced towards his basket.

"I-I...yeah. I saw it too."

They went to the checkout area quickly, scanning their things and paying. Hop onto Sunkist, cling for dear life, and now Gordon is standing in front of his apartment complex. Grocery bags in hand, he jumped a little when Sunkist barked from behind him.

"Bye Mr. Freeman!" Tommy called, already starting off on Sunkist.

"Oh uh- Bye!" he called back, watching them go. Back into the front doors, up the stairs in the creepy as all hell stairwell, and to the front door. Closing and locking the door behind him, Gordon dropped the bags on the table and sat down, releasing the breath he didn't know he was holding. God, when did interacting become so exhausting? Why was he so tired? Didn't he just sleep for, like, a week? Gordon closed his eyes, his head feeling like static. Something inside him told him that more sleep couldn't possibly hurt, and he was so, so tired, so what did it matter? Not like he had anywhere to be. Picking himself up, he trudged to his room, kicking the previously discarded HEV suit to one side.

He was asleep the second he hit the pillow.

...

"hey feetman."

Gordon couldn't move. He couldn't see. Or he could see, and was surrounded by infinite darkness. Again.

"hey-hey little uh..little cringe fail man."

Something moved in the corner of his sight, accompanied by a shuffling noise. He pretended he didn't see it, knowing full well what- or _who_ \- it was.

"stop ignoring me."

Gordon tried to tell them to go away, to just be dead and stay dead, but no sound would come out. So he just thought it as hard as he could.

"whoa man, that's kinda mean. also really, really loud." a few notes of Black Mesa Sweet Voice rang in his ears, making him wince.

 _YOU were the bad guy!_ Gordon concentrated on making his thoughts defined and loud.

"bro. no need to yell. and it's not like i had a choice" the something in the corner of his vision shifted with the words.

_What? What do you mean, no choice?_

A pause. The infinite darkness began to break up, particles of green, red, blue, and white filled the space until it was no longer dark.

"wait shit- that's not 'sposed to.. hang on one sec."

...

Gordon opened his eyes. Although it was dark, he could still see the bright red numbers on his alarm clock.

4:37 A.M.

Great. Wonderful. Just absolutely amazing.

He rolled over to face the wall and curled tighter into himself. What did they mean.. 'no choice'? What would've happened if they didn't become the bad guy?

A shrill ringing made Gordon's eyes snap open with fear. He twisted back to his nightstand, seeing a rectangle of illumination.

 _My phone? I thought I left it in my car..._ Gordon thought blearily as he reached around and picked it up, nearly dropping it. The caller ID read as 'Tommy Coolatta', but Gordon didn't remember adding Tommy as a contact. Come to think of it, he didn't even know him before the Resonance Cascade. Out of pure curiosity, he answered the call.

"Is this Dr. Freeman?" a voice asked, sounding not at all like Tommy's.

"Uhh yes?" Gordon answered, sounding more like he didn't know the answer either. The voice on the other end sounded too familiar for his liking... "Who is this?"

"I was sure you could figure that out, Dr. Freeman." the voice drawled out. "I need to ask a favor of you, Dr. Freeman."

 _Dr._ Freeman? There was only one person that he could think of that would actually call him Doctor.

"Is- is this Tommy's dad?" Gordon asked, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Yes, Dr. Freeman, now I need something of you."

"Uh huh.." he said, standing and starting to pace.

"My son, Tommy, has been...uneasy recently. Seeing things. It has come to my attention that you may know the cause. If you could help... _eradicate_ the problem, it would be most helpful."

"Uh-um yeah. Sure, I'll help." he said, running a hand nervously through his hair.

"Thank you, Dr. Freeman. I'm sure I can count on you to get the job done." and with that, he hung up. Gordon took a shaky breath and held it for a few seconds.

What? What the fuck? Now he was in a predicament. Figure out how to get rid of _them_ , or face the ungodly wrath of Tommy's father. He really didn't want to do the latter, so the first option was his new game plan. Not that he had any idea of how to do it, or where to even start.

Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dunno when chappy 3 gonna come out...... prolly when i fix my grades..ahahhahah i need to go to bed good night!!


	3. you know how sucks that is for me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sdhhkdhujkldashjkdashu huh wha heres chappy 3!!!!!!!!!!!! come get yall juice!! :)  
> also uhhh brief suicidal thoughts??? like for a second??? in the first paragraph, be safe!!!! love yalls!!!

Gordon decided the best course of action was to take another shower. Maybe he could clear his head a bit before he made any sort of rash decisions. So, at nearly 5 in the AM, he took a shower. The hot water rushing over his back soothed some of his rampant thoughts, allowing some calmer and more rational ideas to form. Yes, rational ideas, such as, _if I die I wont have to deal with the problem anymore._ Completely rational thoughts.

The shower turned off with a clunk, water dripping from the faucet. He turned to the sink and opened the mirror cabinet. Pulling a toothbrush and toothpaste, he started to brush his teeth. His eyes looked anywhere but the mirror, fearing that _they_ would be there when he looked back. He dipped his head down to spit into the sink, and when he came up he screamed. Standing behind him in the reflection of the mirror, was _them._

"WHAT THE FUCK"

"you look like shit-"

Gordon was already out of the bathroom before they could finish. Benrey, who wasn't really there to begin with, huffed and dissipated into nothing as they did every time. The door to the only bedroom slammed closed as they vanished. In the room, Gordon has shoved himself under the covers of his bed like a small child hiding from a monster. The only difference being he wasn't a small child. After staying still for a moment, he popped his head up to look for the disappearing menace. They were nowhere to be seen.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Gordon untangled himself from the sheets. A headache started to form in the back of his head when the phone on the nightstand began to ring. He reluctantly picked it up, to see the caller ID read as 'Coomer'. The last time he got a call with one of his friends names as the ID, he nearly had a heart attack when he heard who was on the other end. The phone stopped ringing as he contemplated answering, thus getting rid of the problem. That is, until it began to ring again. Without Gordon even touching the screen, the call answered and a voice came through.

"Hello Gordon!" said Coomer, enthusiastic as ever.

"Coomer? Is it... actually you?" Gordon asked tentatively.

"Of course Gordon! Who else would it be?" Coomer replied cheerfully.

"How...how did you get my number?"

Coomer paused for a second, the sound of fabric shifting coming through speaker before he answered, "Tommy gave it to me!"

"I don't-" Gordon started on a disbelieving rant, but cut himself off short. This was the first time talking to Coomer after the events of Black Mesa, and he didn't want to make him upset. "What're you up to?" he asked instead.

"Well Bubby and I have taken apart our TV and now it can get ALL the channels!"

"Wait what-"

"Anyway, I called because I would like to catch up with you! And Bubby would like to chat as well! We have much to talk about." Gordon could practically feel the smile in his words.

"Uh, yeah sure that sounds good!" the words all but tumbled out of his mouth. They chatted for a bit, and then Coomer hung up. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he got up and fixed his glasses. It would be nice to see the two old coots again, and he was looking forward to it. What he saw earlier was completely forgotten about.

...

They huffed as the other man bolted from the room in a panic. Benrey just could not figure out how to approach him! They tried popping up in his house, tried going into his dreams, but nothing was working. And it frustrated them to no end. They couldn't figure out if Gordon was scared of them, or if he was angry at them. The whole dream thing didn't work out as planned, due to Benrey vastly overestimating how easily they could infiltrate and _stay_ in someone's dream. Especially Gordon's. The emotional barriers he had were way bigger than they had expected, and had proved to be pretty good at keeping them out. Letting himself go back into being invisible, he phased through the wall to find the guy. It was stupid hard to keep a physical form for long periods of time.

Like the giant man baby he was, Gordon had hidden himself under the sheets. Like _that_ would stop them. They watched as he stayed still for a few moments before peeking out. When he didn't see them, he unraveled himself from the sheets. Quickly after, the phone rang and someone was on the other end. Benrey decided to not stick around, as listening to Gordon talk seemed to be the last thing they wanted to do at the moment.

They kept trying to get the Science Team's attention, but only Tommy and Gordon had actually noticed them so far. Coomer and Bubby seemed completely oblivious to the security guard. The reason why only half of the gang could see Benrey was a seemingly never ending mystery. Walking along the halls of the apartment complex, they spit out a few notes of their Sweet Voice in varying shades of blue. The sound of their boots echoed in the empty halls, which made sense considering its relatively early in the morning.

Coming upon Tommy's apartment (weird that all of them lived in the same complex but never even noticed), Benrey could already hear barking from within the door. The apartment didn't exactly allow pets, but Tommy was an exception because Sunkist really was the perfect dog. Phasing through the door, the sight of Tommy running up and down the apartment with Sunkist was enough for them to crack a smile. Now would be a pretty good time to try and get his attention, seeing that he was in a good mood.

Gathering their energy, Benrey managed to form into more than just a shadowy figure, but a form nearly exact to the one they had while they were alive. Security guard outfit, bullet proof vest, Standard Issue Black Mesa helmet, the works. Sometimes it felt like Tommy had a sixth sense for knowing when Benrey was nearby. It was a nice change from literally having to appear directly in Gordon's line of sight so he'd see.

"Hello?" Tommy called from down the hall where he'd stopped.

"tommyyyyy" they called back, reminiscing on how they greeted each other in Black Mesa.

Tommy was dead silent, and they almost thought that he must've crawled out the window or something.

"Benrey?" he replied at last.

"bro, you gotta tell feetman to stop running away from me." they said, walking towards the hall where the other man was. Sunkist growled from the end of the hall as they rounded the corner, something the dog almost never did.

"Benrey?" Tommy repeated as he locked eyes with them.

"yo."

"What-what are you doing here? I thought we- I thought we killed you!"

"yea you did," they said, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, "but i kinda don't like it that much."

"Well that-that makes sense! I wouldn't want to-want to be dead!" he exclaimed, stroking Sunkist's head.

"yea bro, it kinda sorta sucks. and stupid cringe fail fffffeetman keeps running away when im tryna-tryna like... tell him. y'know?"

Tommy nodded in agreement, continuing on petting his dog's head.

"So how do we get you to be...not dead?"

"that's kinda where im stuck." a wave of fatigue crashed over them as they finished their sentence.

"B-Benrey! You're..." Tommy trailed off, ceasing from petting Sunkist in favor of wringing his hands.

"yea...thats gonna-" they stifled a yawn,"that's gonna happen sometimes." they knew their figure was waning when they looked down and could see the floor through their arms. "'m still gonna be here, you prolly just cant see me."

"What-what do you mean?"

"honestly, i barely even know." they were almost completely transparent at that point, only the faint outline of their form still visible.

"Uh-um-be safe!"

And with that, Benrey was gone.


	4. i didn't have a big plan!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im. im so sorry. this took too long. then again its the longest chapter so far so its fine-  
> yea i love all of you very much  
> <3

Normally when Benrey ran out of energy, they would find somewhere to lay down for a bit and chill out. But something was different. Very, very different. Finding themself in the void-the place they started-was a rather unnerving occurrence. There was no light, and the only thing visible was themself.

"this is...not good.." they said quietly, keeping their head on a swivel. As far as they knew, this was the equivalent of dreaming. Except. Nothing. Ever. Happened. Which could be really, really boring. They groaned, a few notes of Sweet Voice trickling out. Dropping to the floor, Benrey laid on their back and stared into the void above them. The few glowing orbs they sang before still floated lazily in the air. More notes seeped from their lips, illuminating the area. There wasn't much to light up, but the surface below them gave a slight sheen when one of the orbs drifted downwards. They stretched their palm out to gently catch one of the lackadaisically floating spheres. It popped, a a small cloud of glowing dust drifted up and away, eventually dissipating into nothing.

...

Tommy stood idle in the hallway, still petting his dog. Benrey had made a surprise appearance, dropped some info, and dipped. Well, more of just kinda faded from existing, but it was all pretty much the same. Now he had the task of telling Gordon what was going on, AND figuring out how to drag Benrey back into the realm of the living.

Yikes.

Tommy kept petting Sunkist as he listed off what needed to be done. First, he needed to find Gordon. Of course, he could always call him, but this felt like it needed its own face to face talk. Then he needed to comprehensively explain what was going on and how and why. Which, of course, he didn't even know himself. Worry permeated his head and he found himself sitting on the floor. He really hoped Benrey wasn't watching. Sunkist nudged his head under Tommy's arm, pulling the attention to him instead of the problems. Tommy grinned and praised the dog.

Right as he stood up, his phone rang from the counter. Sunkist barked at the device until Tommy picked it up.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hello Tommy!"

"Oh, hi Mr. Coomer!" came the replied.

They chatted for a bit, and at the end Coomer invited Tommy to come over later so they could hang out. Tommy happily agreed, and their conversation ended. Tommy smiled at the thought of seeing Coomer and Bubby again, despite it only being a few days since they last saw each other face to face.

"Sunkist! Are-are you excited to see Coomer and Bubby a-again?" Sunkist barked happily and jumped up onto Tommy. "Wait! I can- I can tell them about Benrey! Oh Sunkist, this is-this is just perfect!"

...

Gordon was filled with a renewed energy for the day. Now he had something to look forward to, something to work for. Life always seemed easier when he had a clear goal. Strutting into the kitchen, buttered toast was soon on a plate in his hands. He leaned contentedly against the counter as he ate. His thoughts began to drift to his little... encounter earlier, but there was no way in all of fucking hell that he was gonna give whatever or _whoever_ was tormenting him the satisfaction of knowing that he was scared shitless of them. Yeah, there was no way they already knew. Besides, there was no plausible way it could actually be them, because they were dead. Gordon reassured himself as he got dressed. Shoving his phone in his pocket, he was out the door and walking down the hall in no time.

He opted to take the stairs, as they had the smaller chance that they could fall and kill him dead. A quick flashback to the three scientists in the elevator, and someone is calling his name.

"Mr. Freeman! Hi!" Tommy called.

Gordon sputtered for a second, confused as to why he didn't hear the other man come up on him.

"Uh- hey Tommy!" Gordon replied, turning around to greet him. Sunkist was trailing behind him.

"Are you going to meet up with Coomer and Bubby?" he asked, beginning to walk alongside Gordon. Sunkist walked confidently in between them, brushing up against their hands every so often.

"Oh uh- yeah, actually. How did you know?"

"They i-invited me to come too I guess!" Tommy said, grinning.

"Well I guess it'll be a party!" Gordon said with a light smile. The pair walked for a bit until the door they were looking for. The number plate next to the door read 513 and was decorated with small beaker stickers. Gordon knocked on the door and it was open before his hand could go back to its side.

"Hello Gordon! Hello Tommy!" Coomer said cheerfully, moving to the side to allow them in.

"Hello Coomer!" Tommy and Gordon said simultaneously.

"Is that them?" Bubby called from the living room. He was sitting on the armrest of an armchair as opposed to the actual cushions. It didn't look comfortable at all, but Bubby seemed content.

"Yes, Gordon and Tommy!" he called back. Gordon and Tommy sat on opposite ends of the couch, while Sunkist curled up at Tommy's feet. Coomer wandered off into the kitchen at the sound of a microwave beeping. The three remaining chatted, exchanging current events in their lives and how they were doing. The usual stuff. Coomer returned balancing four bowls of popcorn, all of which were hastily taken. He sat down in the same chair that Bubby was sitting on the armrest of. They ate between their words, at one point someone turned on a movie. No one payed attention to it. Quiet chatting turned into silence when Tommy suddenly piped up and announced he had something important to say.

"I meant to say this earlier but I forgot so I'm gonna tell you guys now!" he said through a mouthful of popcorn.

The rest of the group waited in silence.

"So like um- I kept like.. seeing things out-out of the corner of my eye right? And-and I thought maybe it-maybe it wasn't too much of a big deal and-and something weird happened!"

At this point Gordon has gone rigid. He remembered their short trip to the grocery store and the thing waiting for him at the end of the aisle. Tommy could see them too. _Tommy could see them too._

"So I-I was playing with-with Sunkist like I usually do and I felt like- something felt like it was wrong!"

He had their full attention now, Bubby and Coomer staring intently at him. Gordon looked like he just saw a ghost with his paling face.

"Then I-I turned around and I saw Benrey! They-they talked to me and said that they didn't want to be dead anymore and I kinda agree with them since being dead doesn't sound very good at all and-" Tommy didn't even get to finish his sentence before Gordon was up and out the front door. Sounds of alarm came from Coomer and Tommy as the door slammed shut. Bubby didn't seem to care when he got up to get more popcorn, but behind his glasses his eyes were tinged with worry. Tommy bolted to the door, telling Coomer to stay put as he left.

Looking down both ends of the hall, he caught the end of Gordon's foot going around a corner. He called out Gordon's name while he walked forward. Turning the corner he saw Gordon had began to run and the distance between the two was growing. Tommy's eyebrows knitted together as he sped up. The thumping of their footsteps was all that could be heard until Tommy finally caught up with a slowing Gordon. His hand snagged the other's shirt and pulled him closer.

"Gordon what's-"

A flurry of 'oh's' came from Tommy when he saw Gordon's tear streaked face. Gordon began to mumble something incomprehensible as Tommy pulled him into a tight embrace.

"They-they can't...they can't come back, Tommy." he whimpered. Tommy said nothing in reply. The two stood in the middle of the hall until Gordon's breathing had slowed and the silent tears stopped. He pulled away from Tommy who looked at him like he would shatter if someone said the wrong thing. Which might just happen. Tommy patted the other man on the shoulder and started off back towards Coomer and Bubby's apartment.

"We-we have to go back Mr. Freeman." he said, tugging on Gordon's hand. Gordon averted his eyes and wiped his face with his sleeve. Tommy gave him a small reassuring smile and tugged again. Gordon's feet started to move forward and they were on their way.

When they opened the front door they were greeted with both Coomer and Bubby on the floor. The volume on the TV was all the way up which made the pair at the door cringe away in response. The two on the floor were seemingly locked in a wrestling match, in which neither of them seemed to be winning. Both of them were shouting at each other, something about the remote clutched in Bubby's hand and doctorates.

Tommy release Gordon's hand to turn off the TV manually, hitting a small button on top. The screen fizzles out, leaving only the kitchen light to provide visibility. With the too loud sound gone, Gordon rushes over to try and break up Coomer and Bubby, who have still somehow not broken anything. He hauls Coomer off while Tommy drags Bubby backwards.

"You fucker!" Bubby snaps, waving the hand with the remote in it at Tommy, "I was about to win!"

Coomer barks out a short laugh, "YOU were about to win? My dearest Bubby, it was I who was clearly about to win the match!" he says, Gordon releasing the man so he could right himself. Bubby pulls himself out of Tommy's grip and goes up to Coomer, who smiles at him.

"What...was that?" Gordon asked, already exasperated. Coomer begins to explain how Bubby complained of not being able to hear the TV, but the other man butted in to say that's not how it went, and before long, the two were on the verge of another wrestling match. Tommy saw Gordon's eyes dart towards the door, and he then decided to do something.

"OK! Bubby, the volume can be raised but-but not to the discomfort of others! Dr-Dr. Coomer, Bubby worked hard to-to get his doctorate, please-please respect his official titles!" and with his finished sentence, Tommy heaved out a sigh. Bubby crossed his arms and huffed, but sat down and handed Coomer the remote anyways.

Gordon rubbed his face, the familiar pang of a headache started at the back of his head. He forgot that happened when being near The Science Team's constant bullshit. At least Coomer and Bubby took away the attention from him running away at the mention of _them_. Everyone settled back into their respective spots, and there was peace for a few minutes.

But only a few.

"Say, Gordon, why _did_ you run out?" Coomer asked.

Ah. There it was.

Gordon could feel himself shrink away as three pairs of eyes stared at him expectantly. He really didn't want to answer the question, and he honestly might've not if it weren't for Bubby saying that he thought the same thing.

"Well uh- I.." he trailed off, avoiding eye contact with the others. Looking to Tommy for reassurance, the other man gave him a kind smile. Which of course, while nice, doesn't exactly help Gordon on figuring out how to say 'I left because the mere thought of facing Benrey again makes me want to die' without sounding like a weirdo.

"Well I...I knew what Tommy was gonna- was gonna say before he said it. And I uh... I didn't really want to-"

"Spit it out already you disaster!" Bubby cut him off, impatience clear in his voice.

"Shut UP Bubby I'm getting there!" Gordon huffed like he was the impatient one, and continued on, "..I didn't want to hear him out." he stopped there, hoping that it might suffice for an explanation. Key word- might.

"Well I think that was bullshit." Bubby huffed, crossing his arms even closer to his chest.

"Now Bubby, I'm sure there's no need for that!"

"Thank you, Coomer, but Bubby is kinda right. That-that was a real shit explanation." he said as he leaned back into the cushions. There were a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, only interspersed by the quit crunching of popcorn from Bubby. How he even got more popcorn, nobody knew.

Tommy was studying each of his friends faces. Gordon looked distant, like he wasn't really there at all. Coomer was worried and tense, eyes darting from face to face. Bubby looked as disgruntled as ever. Flickers of a bad feeling ran through Tommy, a shiver down his spine, a ringing in his ears. All he wanted to do was tell them about Benrey...not do _this._

"Do you guys wanna play Mario Kart?" he asked, piercing the quiet, "I have a Wii at my house and-and we can play if-if you want?"

All three of them looked at him and now Tommy knew what Gordon felt like when they were waiting for him to explain.

"Fucking finally." Bubby said as he stood up from his seat. Within minutes the group was at Tommy's apartment and a controller was in everyone's hands. As the races progressed, laughter and shouting became more prominent. Everyone was happy.

Almost everyone.

...


	5. i was sposed to be nice!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> huhuhhuhhuu slight emetophobia warning??? starts at 'Gordon dropped his keys....' and ends at 'That couldn't have been..' ok love yalls be safe mwah

Eventually, Benrey succumbed to the void and drifted off into what one could consider sleep. It wasn't really sleep, but it was close as the eldritch being could get. Small flickers of dreams passed by in seconds, giving small hints of stories and people. Then, suddenly, something was loud. Very loud. Then it was gone.

Strange. Of course, Benrey has seen some strange things in their life, being one themself. But this was strange in the way of wait what the fuck who's house am I in. Blinking the hazy blurriness out of their eyes, they found they were lying in what look like a kitchen. Which was odd, considering that's not where they remembered going to sleep.

Well. Not much they can do now, except lay there.

And that's exactly what they did.

...

Gordon glanced at his phone-11:34- yep it was time to head off. He, Tommy, Coomer, and Bubby had spent hours playing games, cracking jokes, and drinking lots of soda. He said his goodbye's and left. The walk back was short, and all he really planned to do was change and go to bed. He dug his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. Swinging it open, he flicked on the lights and started to go down the hall. That is, until the sight of something- _someone-_ on the floor made him want to throw up. Still clad in their Black Mesa security guard outfit, was Benrey. Gordon dropped his keys and was in the bathroom in a second, kneeling over the toilet and dry heaving.

Sliding away from the toilet and onto the cold floor, he slapped a hand over his mouth. That couldn't have been real. No, it was just- he was just really really tired and hallucinating. Maybe he was already asleep and he was dreaming.

His brain kept supplying excuses for what he saw, not even daring to go near the actual possibility of them being real an on his floor and-

No! Nope! Not even gonna go there! Because it's not real! Gordon was gonna go look at his kitchen floor and see that there was nothing there! Right after he didn't feel like throwing up again.

A few minutes passed and Gordon shakily rose from his spot on the cold floor. Near stumbling out of the bathroom, he look down the hall worriedly. So far, nothing. Good, good. All cool. He kept moving forward, slowly inching along the wall, arm leaning heavily on the wall to steady himself. The kitchen was right at the end of the hall, off to the left, which meant Gordon could peek around the corner and look.

The spot where they had been was empty, letting Gordon release out a heavy breath of relief. And of course, as all good things in his life, it came crashing down.

"yo you got a playstation?" echoed from the couch. Gordon wanted to bolt back to the safety of the bathroom, but his legs felt like lead, weighing him down so that he was frozen in place. The heavy sigh was cut short when his breath caught in the back of his throat, staying that way until his lungs were screaming for air and he coughed.

"are you dying? cuz i don't think i could help you bro." the voice was grating on his ears, and he felt like he was gonna die just from hearing them. They were in his house. They were _on his couch_ 10 feet away. The very being that tried to kill him, let his arm get chopped off, and constantly berated him was sitting on his couch asking about Play Station. The familiar pit of fear rooted itself in Gordon's stomach, twisting his guts into knots that made him feel sick again.

"bro are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna come kiss me?" they said, peeking over the back of the couch at the stock still Gordon. He made no move to answer or leave, just standing there, blank expression that was tinged with fear plastered on his face.

"hellooooooo? earth to feetman?" Gordon blinked and they were standing in front of him, waving a clawed - were their hands always like that? - hand in front of his face. On instinct, Gordon lurched backwards, nearly tripping.

Gordon wanted to say 'How the fuck did you get in my house?' but all that came out was a cracked "What?"

"bro. you gotta listen to me if we're gonna make this relationship work." they said, which sent Gordon sputtering like a broken car.

"We're not dating!" he finally spat out, backing up even further.

"whaaaaat. why are we breaking up? that's so sucks, i'm getting custody of the ps3 in the divorce bro." Benrey whined, folding their arms.

"We-we never dated?" he said, confusion painting his face.

"that's so mean bro. ok i'm gonna go eat your forks now bye." they said, turning towards the kitchen with a malicious gleam in their eyes. Before Gordon could say anything, the silverware drawer was open and Benrey was gnawing on a fork.

"Wh-stop that!" Gordon near shouted, making a shitty attempt to take the fork from Benrey. They narrowly avoided him, skittering away like a startled cat. Gordon held his head in his hands when he could no longer see them, as they had clipped through the floor. Of course, who would Benrey be without their stupid powers. Gordon groaned into his hands as the sound of metal being bent echoed through the apartment. He was on the floor by the time Benrey returned, who kicked him in the shin.

"Ow! You f- why are you even still wearing those?" he asked, referring to Benrey's boots, along with their entire Black Mesa uniform.

"haven't had time t' change.." they muttered, taking a seat next to the distressed Gordon. They were still chewing on the fork when Gordon peeked at them through his fingers.

"...How did you get into my house?" he said at last.

"i 'unno, just kinda woke up here. your couch comfy though." they said through the fork in their mouth. How the fork was even still intact was beyond Gordon, as well as how Benrey's teeth hadn't shattered or at least broken yet. Squinting to look at the clock in the microwave, it read as 12:10, and Gordon slowly stood up.

"where ya going feetman?" Benrey asked.

"I'm going to bed. Im gonna- I'm gonna deal with this in the morning. You can sleep wherever, but not in my room-or bed, by that extent. Also don't eat any more of my silverware _please_." As he finished his sentence, he turned around and walked down the hall to his room. Benrey watched him go, but made no move to follow.

Gordon was asleep in minutes, the stress of having Benrey back had put weights on his eye;ids that no one could resist. Later in the night, Benrey's head would peek up from the floor, and they would crawl all the way through and sleep on the floor. Staring up at the ceiling, a soundtrack of Gordon's soft snoring playing in the background. Soon, they felt the tug of sleep calling them, and they rolled over.

"night gordo." they whispered. Soon, Benrey was out as well.


	6. may i offer you an egg in these trying times?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heheheheh this one gets real edgy around the end sorry

Gordon rolled over in the morning and was startled by an extremely loud snore that was not his own. Looking over the edge of the bed, he saw a helmet-less Benrey curled up on the floor. Gordon sighed and pulled himself up out of bed. Glasses on, phone in hand, side-step around the sleeping Benrey, and into the kitchen. In the middle of cooking scrambled eggs, Benrey poked their head out from around the corner.

"you got food? you got some uh- *lip smack* some little num nums? food for benrey?" they questioned, keeping their eyes glued to the sizzling pan.

"This is food for Gordon, Benrey make- make own food." Gordon said, voice still laced with sleep. There was a small pause as Gordon pulled out a plate for himself.

"mea nyea meh nyea meah gimme egg." Benrey said, moving to take the pan and eat the eggs straight from it. Gordon batted their hand away and gave them a quick death stare before dumping the eggs onto his plate. Holding the plate close to himself, he could feel Benrey staring at him as he grabbed a fork and started to eat. Benrey kept staring at him like a dog begging for food.

"Can you fuckin' not?" Gordon asked through a half-mouthful of egg. Benrey quickly averted their eyes, choosing to stare at the empty pan instead. Gordon would've liked to sit down at the table, but something didn't quite sit right with him. Maybe he felt like Benrey would sneak up behind him while he ate and kill him or something. It left a bad taste in his mouth that he'd really rather not pair with eggs.

"If you want some just mix some eggs and milk and dump it in the pan." Gordon said, almost out of pity, but mostly because Benrey's staring contest with the pan was unnerving. Benrey snatched the egg carton hastily and opened it.

"bro... there's only rocks in here... why'd you lie to me.. i just want some egg bro..." they said, a twinge of sadness in their voice.

"You-you crack the egg. That 'rock' is the shell. Just. Crack it?" Gordon explained. "Have you never eaten an egg before?"

"oh ok." and with that, Benrey pulled out an egg and popped the entire thing into their mouth. With a crunch, raw egg began to dribble down their chin as they ate it whole.

Gordon watched with raw confusion and horror as Benrey ate the egg, who making intense eye contact until they swallowed whatever was left.

"What the fuck." was all he could muster.

"bro. that was so good. i'm. i'm eating the rest of these. crunchy rock." was all they could reply with before digging back into the egg carton and shoving another raw egg into their mouth. Gordon abandoned his plate in favor of stopping Benrey from eating all the eggs, a flash of deja-vu from yesterday. Benrey gave up the carton surprisingly easy, but still yoinking a couple more eggs at the last second. They wordlessly shoved those in their mouth too. Gordon rubbed a hand down the side of his face at the sight of the small number of eggs left in the carton. He put them back in the fridge and went to clean up his plate.

"yooo. thanks for the brekky."

Gordon didn't reply. He doesn't exactly know what time it is, but it's still too early for Benrey's antics.

Wait...

The realization that the rest of The Science Team doesn't know that Benrey is _alive_ and in Gordon's _house_ hit him like a truck. He murmured an almost inaudible 'fuck' as he grabbed his phone from the kitchen table. Flicking it open, he quickly created a group-chat with Coomer's and Tommy's numbers, since those were what he had. Typing out a simple 'benrey's back' and closing the app was good enough for him. A crunch sounded from behind him and his instincts told him that Benrey had gotten into the eggs again, but no. They were holding a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, dust littering their uniform (Gordon didn't even own Doritos).

"Where did you get those?" He asked, concerned that Benrey might've robbed a convenience store while his back was turned.

"whatcha typing there." was the reply.

"None of your business." Gordon huffed.

"cmoooooon. lemme see. lemme seeeeeeee." they said, dropping the Doritos on the counter and reaching for the phone.

"Ew, no." he said, back peddling away. Benrey smirked evilly and continued forward. This was gonna be a chase, wasn't it? "Hey can y-can you not?"

"lemme see and uhhh maybe i'll stop."

"No! Fuck off!" Gordon near shouted, turning and running down the hall. Benrey followed suite. He flung open the door to the bathroom (the only door in the apartment with a lock on it) and slammed it shut. Twisting the lock, he slid down the door until he was on the floor. The phone in his hands buzzed wildly, a flurry of texts coming in from Tommy and Coomer. Leaning his head against the door, he nearly screamed when his eyes met someone else's.

"yo. what'd cha type?" they said, with their head halfway through the door. Gordon pushed off the door and spun to face the other.

Gordon sighed, "If you wanna know so bad, I just told the rest of the team that you're back." he waved the still buzzing phone as an example. Right as he was putting it down, Tommy called. He muttered a curse under his breath and picked up.

"Hello?" was all he could get out before Tommy's voice blasted through the speakers.

"Mr-Mr. Freeman? Is Benrey there? Are they okay? Please tell me they're okay! All you sent was a text and now me and Coomer are so worried and-" he kept going on until he paused to take a breath, which is when Gordon cut him off.

"Hey, Tommy, sorry about uh - kinda leaving you guys in the dark there. Yea, Benrey is here and they're eating all my eggs and forks. Please come over and.. I don't know, get them out please." Tommy gave a quick affirmation and hung up, presumably already on his way.

"brooooo, why would you say that, why do you wanna kick me out that's so mean." Benrey's faced drooped down sadly, resembling a kid using puppy dog eyes.

"No, nope, not gonna work. You are getting out and I'm never gonna see you again. Eat someone else's eggs." Gordon said, moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub. He put his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands, phone next to him on the edge. He didn't know exactly when Benrey left, but by the time the doorbell rang they had already answered. Tommy seemed to be squeezing the life out of them with a hug, then immediately rambling on about how happy he was the have Benrey back.

"Mr. Freeman, this is just-this is so great! Now we can-we can all be together and-and do beyblade battles!" Tommy cheered, latching back onto Benrey.

"Yeah, that sounds great Tommy, but I don't want to-I can't have Benrey in my house. Or near me. Ever." Gordon sighed and crossed his arms as a look of dismay crossed Tommy's face.

"But-but Benrey is back! And we can- we can all hang out again!"

"Yes, hanging out with all of you is fun, and I really like it, I do! But I...Benrey has literally tried to _kill us._ They got my arm chopped off and they are soooo lucky Gman or whatever his name was brought it back."

Tommy was holding Benrey like he was a dog getting a scolding for doing something bad. Benrey looked like they couldn't give two shits of what happened to them.

"why do you wanna get rid of me so bad brooooo. then you'll be all alone, like - like tommy, my bro, my pal here has his doggie and the uh - the old ones got each other - i think but... you don't have anyone, not even a shit son."

Gordon tensed at the mention of his 'son'. The memory of the white lie flickered in his head, why he'd even lied he barely remembered. The picture wasn't even his. The person before him has left the frame, apparently deciding that the picture wasn't worth taking.

"Yeah, where is he - where is your son, Mr. Freeman? I don't - I don't think I've seen him around, or even heard you talk about him!" Tommy exclaimed.

Gordon had two options, either fess up about his stupid lie, or continue it and dig his grave deeper. Considering he was running out of time to think, since the other two were waiting, he blurted out the first thing he could think of.

"He's at his mom's! He's uh - I have a, um - ex-wife! And he's - _Joshua_ is over there." he said, instantly regretting his words. There were a few seconds of silence that felt like they went on forever, Gordon's eyes flitting between Tommy and Benrey's. He felt sick again.

"Oh, well then we can - we can see him when he's over here!" Tommy said happily.

"Yea... we can - that can happen. That'll definitely happen." he nodded. "But at a later time, when I _don't_ have what's probably an eldritch being in my house and eating my eggs."

"broooo i promise i'll stop eating your eggs, please don't kick me out, i like it here. no offense tommy." Benrey pleaded.

"It's ok Benrey! We can go to my place and - and play Mario Kart 8 for the WiiU!"

Benrey didn't say anything at first, looking Gordon in the eye in such a way he felt small despite the fact he was taller then Benrey.

"yea that sounds pretty cool to me." they said at last, turning towards the door. Tommy gave Gordon a small wave goodbye, and turned with Benrey. The two were instantly chatting as they left, and when the door slammed shut he could still hear them talking. He was a bit surprised when the feeling of happiness and relief never came. Something about the look Benrey gave him just made chills go down his spine. It was almost mocking, but it also seemed sad - pitying.

Their words echoed in his head, but one part seemed to stick out.

_then you'll be all alone_

Gordon held his arms as if he was cold.

Why did he feel so empty?


	7. case of the crumbles!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well  
> im so sorry?  
> computer charger exploded into a million pieces  
> and uh  
> yeah  
> gordon get sick bcuz i said so

tommy makes suoup? tommy make soup for godon? yes

* * *

Three days.

Three days since Benrey had left and Gordon felt like shit. Maybe Benrey infected him with some sort of disease that was gonna slowly kill him. Hopefully he wasn't too rotted by the time the next person came into the apartment, that would be gross.

Most of the time went by, and he could barely remember what he did for three days. A thick fog seemed to shroud certain memories, like when he ate or what time he went to sleep. He knew he was doing both, as there were crumbs in the kitchen and he kept waking up. It was sort of off-putting when he started to feel nauseous constantly, but nothing ever actually came up. The Advil bottle in the bathroom was empty, and there was no way he could go out to get more, not in his current state. So the solution was to lay around and try to not feel like shit.

Which, of course, failed miserably.

Looking at any sort of screen sent his head pounding, so the TV, computer and phone were all a no-go. He found an old book in his closet, but the words swam in his vision and made him want to throw up. He considered calling Tommy or Coomer or Bubby or _someone_ but the thought of anyone seeing him like that made him shiver. So back to laying in bed like a log. Eventually he fell into an uneasy sleep, right when he was just tired enough and his thoughts slowed down to a reasonable zero.

...

When Gordon woke up, he wasn't in his bed anymore. He blinked the fog out of his eyes and the blood-stained walls of Black Mesa greeted him, along with a horrible pain in his arm. Looking down, he saw that his arm was _gone._ Again.

"What the fuck..." he whispered under his breath. Reaching out to touch it to ensure the reality of it, instant regret filled him at the shock of pain it sent. Groaning, he stood up and tried to ignore the rush of dizziness he felt. Leaning heavily on the wall, he took a step forward. Only to jump what was probably a foot in the air at the loud as fuck THUNK that happened. Looking at himself, he saw a painfully familiar metal suit. Back in the HEV suit, great. Continuing on, he walked down the hall, turned, down another hall, and turned again. The sound of voices talking grew louder as he neared a corner, and when he rounded it the sight of the Science Team graced his eyes.

"Oh thank fuck, hey, do you guys know what's going on? Why are we back here?" he asked, rushing up to the group. No one responded to him, only sparing a seemingly disgusted glance in his direction.

"Hello? Guys? Why are we back here?" he persisted, starting to grow desperate for answers.

"Shut up Gordon!" Coomer said, as happy as ever, "You're interrupting us!"

Before Gordon had time to process Coomer's words, Benrey piped up.

"yea feetman, we weren't talking to you." their words had lost any sort of playful tone and had a mean bite to that Gordon didn't remember them having.

"I-I'm with Benrey, Mr. Freeman. Don't you-don't you know it's rude to interrupt someone?" Tommy turned towards him, streaks of blood across his twisted face giving it a somewhat menacing look.

"Wait- Tommy? What's going on?"

 **"GO AWAY GORDON."** they said together, anger suddenly plastered on their faces. Before Gordon could do anything else, the ground below him gave out and he was falling. Letting out a strangled scream as he hit the ground and-

...

He woke up. Blurry darkness was the only thing that greeted his eyes. He couldn't breathe, only a few short gasps of air coming through. He couldn't b _reathe,_ _he couldn't breathehecou **ldn'tbreathe-**_

Something hit him in the back and he inhaled roughly. Reaching up to his face, he found it was streaked with tears he didn't remember crying. He wiped them away hastily, reaching for his glasses. They appeared in his hands before he could even look for them. If he were fully awake, this would've registered in his head as something weird, but he wasn't fully awake so it went right under his radar. A wave of nausea passed through, leaving him shuddering and hunched over with a hand over his mouth.

"Mr. Freeman? Are-are you okay?"

Oh fuck.

"Wh- Tommy?" Gordon croaked from behind his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Freeman, it- it's Tommy. And Sunkist is-is here too!" he said, the end of the bed dipping as Sunkist appeared. The large dog looked at him happily. Gordon could now see the other man, who was looking down at him with a worried look.

"Why are-why are you here?" he asked, dropping his hand and turning towards Tommy.

"Well uh- you weren't-you didn't answer any of our calls or texts and I thought that you might have not charged your phone but Benrey said that-that you always charge your phone!"

"How would-how does Benrey know that? They were here for like..a day."

Tommy's face went blank for a second, before reverting back into a comforting smile.

"I dunno!" Gordon didn't really have anything to say, so Tommy didn't either. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Tommy went to the door.

"I uh-I made some soup!" Tommy said cheerfully, leaving the door open a bit."

"I like soup..." Gordon muttered quietly, standing up. A smaller blanket snagged on his hand, and on instinct he draped it over his shoulders akin to a cape.

The room swam before him as he rose, but he pressed on. The smell of something savory wafted in the air, and he realized how hungry he was. Trudging down the hall, the smell only aided his grumbling stomach in being louder than necessary. Tommy was just around the corner, dumping generous spoonfuls of chicken noodle soup into a bowl. How Tommy even knew where Gordon kept his bowls was going to remain as an unanswered question for the time being.

Tommy wordlessly handed Gordon the bowl he'd just poured, and turned to make one for himself. Putting a spoonful in his mouth, the taste instantly struck him as something much, much better than the canned soup he was used to.

"Tommy...did you make this yourself?" Gordon asked, eyeing the chopping board on the counter and the empty pasta box sticking out of the trash.

"Well you didn't have any canned soup and I didn't either so I just...made some?"

Gordon looked at Tommy, then at his soup, then back to Tommy.

"That's...so cool. That you know how to do that. Thanks man." Gordon said with a grin, eagerly scooping up more soup.

"I actually made it fo-for Benrey first! They-they got really sick when they came back with me, a-and I don't think they've ever gotten sic-sick before!"

Something about that statement didn't quite connect in his head. Maybe it was the mystery illness plaguing him, or maybe the fact he hasn't gotten more than three consecutive hours of sleep in the past couple days, but something seemed off. Swallowing another mouthful of soup, he mulled over what Tommy had said. How could...if Benrey made him sick then... Benrey gets sick because Gordon get sick... Apparently, he was thinking too hard about it, because a new headache rushed in and perched right above his left eyebrow.

Shoveling more spoonfuls of soup into his face to ease his racing thoughts, he was almost done by the time Tommy finally sat down.


	8. its just brain cancer, you can live with that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oohooohoh benrey yearning moments up ahead  
> also emetophobia warning 4 this one gamers  
> love yalls mwah <3

In the end, Benrey ended up returning to Gordon's apartment because, and while Tommy loved having Benrey over, he didn't want to get sick himself. So, very, _extremely,_ reluctantly, Gordon agreed to let Benrey back in his house, under the one condition that when Benrey got better, they'd leave. Which of course, seemed simple enough to any normal human. But Benrey was not a normal human, or even human at all. Gordon was pretty sure they were faking it, but it was a little hard to keep up the speculation when he was woken up by a nightmare and the sound of someone retching in the bathroom graced his ears.

He'd done pretty well at avoiding Benrey, who claimed the couch for themself. They somehow acquired a PlayStation and would continually play games from under a pile of blankets until they happened to fall asleep. The fog that constantly clouded Gordon's brain was staring to lift, and he could almost feel the himself getting better. On the other hand, Benrey showed no signs of healing. Gordon tried to give them some Advil, but they always refused.

One of the days while Gordon was looking for a new job (not that he really needed one, it just felt off sitting around his apartment all day) he had a thought that stuck out to him.

 _Maybe Benrey isn't trying to get better so they can stay here to annoy me._ There was another, _rogue,_ thought after that one, but Gordon elected to ignore it and forget he thought it in the first place. His traitorous brain supplied him with the phrase 'cringe fail thought', which in turn made him pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

The day flew by without any other hiccups. Crawling into bed, he felt relieved that the day was over, but the relief was only a poorly masked looming cloud of dread. Sleep wasn't quick for the scientist, with his mind bouncing quickly from one thought to another. Somewhere around midnight, he fell into a light and restless sleep. Small flashes of dreams, broken stories his brain tried to display danced in his head. The fragments were interrupted by the somewhat familiar sound of someone stumbling down the hall and into the bathroom. Guilt seeped into Gordon, so strong it was almost tangible when it felt like it was scraping marks down his back.

Tossing the blankets off him and snatching his glasses, he walked down the hall. The bright light of the bathroom revealed a hunched up and shivering Benrey leaning heavily over the toilet. They were continuously brushing the long hair away from their face. It was a pitiful sight. They must've noticed Gordon standing in the doorway, because they turned their head oh-so-slightly in his direction.

"'m sorry i woke you up..." they muttered, and almost immediately after they jolted and turned back towards the toilet. Gordon didn't really remember getting on the floor, but when he was kneeling next to Benrey he held their hair back through the night. When they seemed to be done, he rubbed their back and picked them up, bridal style.

 _They're so light..._ a concerned thought said to Gordon as he carried them back to the couch. The shivers came in small waves where Benrey's face would twist up, and when they'd curl in on themselves in pain. He sat next to them as the shivers subsided, rubbing their shoulder comfortingly.

He draped a thick blanket over them, hopefully enough to keep them warm, and stood to go back to bed.

"noooo don't leave.." Benrey's voice was hoarse and cracked, most likely a result from that night's activities. "you-gordon real warm...benrey cold.." they whined. Gordon paused and looked back to Benrey, then back down the hall, then back to Benrey. He sighed, turned around, and shuffled back to Benrey. Scooping up the shorter person, he earned a small noise of surprise as he carted them back to his room.

"woah...gordon freeman-" they paused to cough into their elbow, "gordon freeman care moment?"

"Shut up or I'll drop you back on the couch." Gordon groaned, depositing them on the side of the bed closest to the wall. He clambered in right after, tugging the blankets up over both of them.

"If I wake up and- and you're on top of me, I'm gonna be like, big time angry." he muttered as he plucked his glasses off and dropped them back on the nightstand.

"yeah 'mkay sleep now please?" their voice came from behind his back. He took it as an agreement and closed his eyes. Within minutes he was deep in sleep, but the one next to him was wide awake. Listening to Gordon's slow and even breathing was calming, but the fact that Gordon willingly carried them all the way to his room and was now _sleeping in the same bed as them_ was mildly off-putting. Benrey wheezed out an uneven breath as Gordon shifted behind them. A rogue arm appeared over them, warmth starting to seep into their side immediately.

A twinge of guilt flitted through them as they slowed wrapped a cold hand around the other's warm one. They rubbed a thumb down the ridges of his hand, yet another reminder of just how human he was. Benrey squeezed his hand lightly, feeling the steady pulse of his heart through skin. Gordon squeezed their hand back; if he was awake, it would've been a whole different story, but for now he was asleep and Benrey was with him.

They felt the Sweet Voice build in the back of their throat, a light tickle at first but soon evolving into what felt like a couch. They opened their mouth and let the song squeeze out, lightly colored orbs flowing past their lips and into the air with ease. Light pinks and blues filled the air above the bed, glowing profusely. If Tommy were there, he'd probably translate without thinking too much of it and shout Benrey's secret to the heavens. But for now, it was just the tow of them, and even if only one was awake to see the light-show, it still meant neither was alone.

The orbs would dissipate by morning, so Benrey had no fear of Gordon seeing them and asking Tommy for a translation. Squeezing the hand they were holding one last time, Benrey closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhhh this barely made it past my 1k word minimum, but it did at 1100 words so woo yeah  
> sorry this is so short next one might b longer 


	9. when its purple, like the evening of a spring evening, then it means they're ok :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so i said that the next chapter would be longer but i didnt know it was gonna like. be nearly twice as long. anyways here have some gays

purple- like the evening of a spring evening- then it means they're ok :)

* * *

His thumbs fumbled with the tiny keyboard, but he was able to type out what he wanted to say and hit send. Looking up as another Sweet Voice orb softly landed in his mussed up hair. It popped, leaving glowing dust that faded after a few seconds. There were only a couple orbs left, floating slowly around the small room. Gordon spared a glance in Benrey's direction, their face calm and still. When he woke up, they were clutching his hand like a life-line. It was very tempting to wake them up just to reiterate the single rule Gordon had given them before he went to sleep, but it wouldn't be worth the trouble.

The thing that woke him in the first place was the Sweet Voice. A single ball had drifted directly in front of his face, and it was surprisingly bright. Glancing at the time on his phone, the clock read 5:56 AM, which was a somewhat appropriate time to get up. Gordon contemplated getting up and going about his day, but next to him Benrey hummed contently in their sleep, and apparently that was enough to convince him to stay.

The deep bags under Benrey's eyes suggested this was probably the first long sleep they'd had in a while, and with the way they were clinging onto his hand, Gordon wasn't in any position to wake them.

 _'gordon feetman care moments'_ echoed in his head, like he had his own personal Benrey living in his brain. Why he even cared in the first place was beyond him. Just as he was about to lay back down to make an attempt at more sleep, his phone buzzed with a reply from Tommy.

**Tommy Coolatta**

**-(Pink 2 blue? Why do u wanna know?)  
**

**(Well I woke up and there was a bunch of Sweet Voice all over my room..)-** Gordon sent back, albeit slowly. It was sort of hard to type when your main hand was in the clutches of someone who did not want to let go and you could barely see the screen you're typing on. He purposely left out the part where he brought Benrey into his room willingly, thus how the Sweet Voice got there in the first place.

 **-(hmmmm...is benrey there? i need 2 ask them something** **(￣з￣) )**

**(They're here, but they're asleep rn, I can wake them up if you want?)-**

**-(Nononono its fine! Can u call me when they wake up please? ^_^)**

**(Ok, I will. What does the Sweet Voice translate to tho?)-**

**-(Well...i wanna ask them abt that...i dunno if theyd want me 2 tell** **◑.◑** **...)**

**(..Ok fine. I'll call you when they wake up.)-**

**-(ok!** **(＾ω＾)** **)-**

With Tommy's reply, Gordon shut off his phone and laid back down. Sometime during the conversation with Tommy, Benrey had rolled over to face Gordon. While it was more comfortable for his arm, it increased the general awkward feeling that one might get when sharing a bed with someone who isn't their partner.

'Why don't you just... pull your arm out. Get on with your day. You don't really care about them, do you? You want them out of your house as soon as possible, right?' popped into his head, and to him it made sense. But something about it just...didn't quite sit right with him. Benrey really hadn't been antagonizing him, but given that they'd been sick and pretty much just living on the couch didn't present many opportunities to fuck with him. He closed his eyes and sank deeper into the pillow, attempting to shove all the rogue thoughts into a metaphorical closet. Someday the bad thought closet would overflow and spill and cause problems, but that was for another day.

Benrey shuffled next to him, and he cracked a single eye open when he felt their warm breath on his arm. They looked so peaceful, Gordon wondered if they had ever slept this well before. Or if they had even slept at all. He didn't quite know how long he'd been staring at them, but it was long enough that when they blinked their shadowed eyes open Gordon rushed to pretend to be asleep. He smashed his face into the pillow so Benrey couldn't see the shade of red he turned at the thought of them knowing he'd been staring. It paid off in dividends, because Gordon must've face went up in flames when they rubbed his arm affectionately with a clawed thumb.

He heard them grumble something, but all he could make out was, "...stupid...no passport...fuckin eggs..." Smushing his face into the pillow seemed to only be a temporary solution, as it was getting harder and harder to breath. Luckily, Benrey started to tap him on the back of the head, which he then feigned annoyance at having been 'just woken up'.

Pulling back the covers and placing his glasses delicately on his nose, Gordon left to go start on breakfast. This was actually the first morning he'd gotten up to make breakfast in at least a week, so he really had nothing planned. Dropping a couple pieces of bread in the toaster and starting the coffee maker, he mulled over what had just happened.

A bubble of Sweet Voice popping directly on his face and dusting extremely sweet mist into his mouth was not exactly the greatest alarm clock, but it sure was...intriguing. By the time he'd figured out what the hell _and_ fuck was going on, there'd only been a few Sweet Voice bubbles left, ranging from neon pink to a light blue. He'd then taken a picture, sent it to Tommy, and made a feeble attempt to go back to sleep. Of course, that of which was interrupted by him staring ~~longingly~~ \- no, _boredly_ at Benrey. Then Benrey woke up and it all went to shit. In all honesty, Gordon should still be in bed at the time, considering the sun hadn't even risen yet and the kitchen light only stretched as far as the back of the couch.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Benrey, who'd been staring at him for three minutes at least, until they'd tapped him on the shoulder and said, "didcha forget your brain in the bed back there? huh? no brain boy over here?"

"Jesus fuck, I d- stop sneaking up on me!" Gordon said in a stage whisper, whipping around to face the eldritch being."

"i...i didn't sneak up though...why are you always accusing me of things man? that - that's super mean." they replied, cocking a confused eyebrow. Gordon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Looks like you're feelin' better, at least enough to come out here and-and harass me."

Benrey scoffed in reply to being accused of harassment. A short but uncomfortable pause stretched between them, during which Benrey jumped up and sat on the counter, which in turn earned a confused look from Gordon.

"You want some toast?" he offered. Benrey placed their chin in the palm of their hand and crossed their legs, assuming a pose that would make one seem deep in thought, but in reality they already had their answer.

"yea sure." just as they finished their sentence, the coffee maker beeped.

"Fuckin' finally..." Gordon muttered, nursing the steaming cup.

"yoooo can i get some uh- some bean- water? some bean water please?" they murmured, inching closer to where Gordon stood. He glared daggers at Benrey, hoping they'd take the hint and back off. They kept their mouth shut, but kept giving him hopeful glances. By the time the toast popped up, they were much, much closer to Gordon, almost leaning on his shoulder with how close they were. Plucking the toast from the toaster, Gordon handed a slice to Benrey and kept one for himself. They ate in silence while the sun came up, basking both of them in warm light.

Glancing at Gordon while he sipped on his coffee, Benrey felt the familiar tickle in the back of their throat. The filtered morning sun danced across his face in a way that made Benrey's chest swell, and they couldn't stop the barrage of Sweet Voice that squeaked past their lips. They tried to swat it all away before Gordon could see, but it was too late.

"What's that mean?" he asked through a mouthful of toast.

"it uh- it means that you are...stupid." they defended.

"But that- it doesn't even rhyme?" Gordon tilted his head in confusion, which turned Benrey's face pink. Why the _fuck_ was Gordon so cute?

"yea well it-it doesn't _always_ have to rhyme... if you listened to tommy you'd know that...idiot.."

Gordon looked like he had an epiphany at the mention of Tommy, and started off to go look for something.

"where ya goin? you can't go- you can't leave if you don't have your...passport.." they trailed off as Gordon disappeared down the hall. They popped the rest of the Sweet Voice while he was gone, so when he reappeared into the kitchen, there was no trace of the emotion displaying orbs.

"Tommy wanted to talk to you about something," Gordon explained, presenting his phone to Benrey, "I don't know what so don't even try to ask."

Shoveling the rest of the toast in their mouth, Benrey typed in Tommy's number and hit call.

"You know Tommy's number already?" Gordon asked with a confused look.

"yea of- of course i know tommy's number. we're like- we're the best of buds." they answered while the phone rang.

"Hello?" came the somewhat shaky answer from the phone.

"tommyyyyyyyyy what's up man?" Benrey replied, glancing at Gordon and making a 'shoo' motion. Gordon huffed and walked off towards the hall, coffee cup still in hand.

With Gordon gone, Benrey turned their attention back to the phone.

"Oh, hi Benrey!"

"why'd ya wanna talk? the feetman didn't seem to know, so what's like... so confidential?" Benrey laid down on the counter-top as they talked, placing the phone on their chest so they could idly play with the strings of the hoodie they were wearing. They recalled the night Gordon had come up to them with the sweatshirt neatly folded in his hands and offered it to them. Benrey had made some offhand comment about Gordon being gay, and he sheepishly admitted that he was in fact bisexual. Benrey hadn't expected the response, and thanked Gordon quickly before clipping through the couch to put on the sweatshirt.

"Oh yeah, Gordon uh- he sent me a picture of your Sweet Voice that he saw."

In an instant, Benrey popped up from their laying down position, whacking their head on the cabinets above with a loud thunk.

"whuh-uh- how did he see it?! i thought it- it would go away before he woke up...urgh.." they groaned as they rubbed their head.

"Oh my gosh you actually- Do you really feel that way Benrey?"

"ffffffffeetman he was- he let me sleep in his bed...with him...last night..." they trailed off as they heard themselves talk out loud. At first, it just sorta seemed like bros being bros, and they hadn't dwelled much on any reason that Gordon might've had taken pity on them and brought them with him. The flash of Gordon's arm flopping over-top of them rushed back, and they wondered if Gordon was awake to do that.

"Can I tell him?" came through the speaker, causing Benrey to shoot up again and bang their head once more. Gordon called out from down the hall asking if they were okay.

"shut up feetman im- im a great cool," they yelled back, "tommy, bro, no way can you tell him. like, you can't- there's- he can't know because then- then he'll hate me and kick me out again dude- and i can't- i don't wanna leave, man." a few deep green orbs left their mouth as they spoke, floating idly around their head.

"Ok, ok, I-I wont tell him, But when are- are you gonna tell him yourself? You shouldn't- you can't just keep-keep a secret like this f-forever, Benrey. The-the longer you keep this- keep this inside the more it-it's gonna hurt later."

"i'll- i dunno tommy, he really seems to like- hate me. lots. /a lots/ a lots."

"If he hates you so much then why did he agree to let you come back with him? Why did he let you stay in his bed /with/ him? He does care about-about you Benrey. You just have- you just have to look for the-the little things."

Benrey was left speechless at Tommy's words. Could- could Gordon really care about them?

"Well, I gotta go walk Sunkist now, so you just- just think about it, ok? I-I know it probably seems like-like he hates you, but I know that- I know that he doesn't. Bye Benrey!"

And with that. Tommy hung up, leaving Benrey to marinate in their thoughts. Gordon _did_ let them stay, and he _did_ give them the sweatshirt, and he _did_ try to give them Aspirin for their headaches, and-

Each the new revelation hit Benrey like a truck, the evidence piling higher and higher until-

"You ok there?"

They jolted at the sudden appearance of Gordon at the corner, who had w _et hair and was only covered by a towel what-_

"n-none of your business! you uh- go put a shirt on you shouldn't- you can't be in here without a shirt, them's the rules man." Benrey explained, crossing their arms. Gordon laughed his signature wheezy laugh and turned to go back down the hall. They felt their face heat up at the sound, and turned to cover their mouth despite Gordon not even being there.

Benrey was _so_ fucked.


	10. gordon, please read me a story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi whats up its yet another generic after main events fic updating once more
> 
> sorry 4 takin so long plz dont slaughter me mwah <#3

gordon, please read me a story

Benrey had been acting...strange recently. Not in the way they always were, with the way the spoke and the things they did, such as eating raw eggs and talking nearly incomprehensibly at times. In the way that they seemed to...avoid Gordon. Normally they'd take up ever opportunity to cause problems and strife, but as of late they hadn't done much. Of course, other than continuing to sleep in Gordon's bed. While he slept there too. He'd told the eldritch being that it was a one time thing and it would have to stop soon, but he never made any effort to kick Benrey out when they crawled in late at night.

Maybe it had something to do with when Gordon woke up and saw the Sweet Voice, but he wasn't so sure. It also might've had something to do with the fact the Gordon had now gotten a job as a theoretical physics teacher at a nearby university. It wasn't like he actually needed the cash, but the Black Mesa hush money would run out eventually and he needed a steady job for when it did.

Also, being jobless was really, really boring. Benrey being there didn't help it all that much, since they were avoiding Gordon like the plague when he was home. Gordon found it odd when his phone would go missing often, only for Benrey to magically 'find it' soon after he noticed. He didn't do much digging, but there was an odd amount of call receipts from Tommy. When asking the other about it, they simply blew it off. There wasn't a lot of time to think about it, with the new job and all, but during the time he did have free, Gordon thought quite hard about it.

One of the weekends Gordon had off, Benrey surprised the man by asking him to join them in a game of Mario Kart. The Wii U started up quickly, cheery music playing through the speakers as Benrey tossed him a controller.

They played a few rounds before finally joining a world-wide match. Benrey, being they gamer they are, beat everyone else in the match, while Gordon came in dead last.

"Dude, how do you even get so good at this? I've never even see you play Mario Kart!" Gordon said through wheezy laughs.

"it's cuz' i- i'm a real-" they paused to laugh the same laugh that made Gordon's face feel warm and set the tips of his ears ablaze, "im a REAL gamer!" This sent the both of them into another round of raucous laughter which was sure to wake the neighbors. Pulling themselves together with a few slaps to the other's shoulder, they continued on. Out of about and hour of racing and screaming and pushing, Gordon won first place in one match.

"Hah! I beat you! Not so much of a great gamer now, huh?" he boasted, standing and waving his remote in Benrey's face. Leaning around the remote, looking extremely unimpressed, they raised a cocky eyebrow.

"well yeah, i guess you won this round, but how many have i won huh? did- didcha think about that, hm? did your raisin brain think that?" Gordon doubled over in laughter and fought the urge to go and wipe the smug grin of Benrey's face with a kiss.

Whoa wait- where did that come from? He knew that maybe he was getting a little closer to them, but-

"helloooooo? earth to the feetman? are you- didcha die there?" Benrey's voice knocked him back into reality, and he realized he's just been standing while bent in half this whole time. He wasn't even laughing anymore. Oh great, now this was weird and awkward. Great job Gordon.

He spit out a nervous laugh and sat back down, continuing on to the next match.

"you ok?"

The two words echoed in Gordon's head, bouncing off his skull for what seemed like and eternity as he combed through his brain for an answer.

"Y-yea? I'm fine, dude. Are you ok, huh?" Benrey glanced at him quizzically, before returning to staring at the screen. Ah, great, now Benrey thought he was weird. Wonderful.

They finished their round, and once the main screen came up again, Gordon rose from his seat.

"I'm- it's kinda late so I'm just gonna... go to bed. Night." he said with a wave before turning down the hall. He could feel Benrey staring holes into his back, and was extremely tempted to turn around and try to go back to playing. But alas, even if he did do that there was zero guarantee that Benrey would even want to keep playing with him after he ruined it.

Changing shirts, Gordon crawled dejectedly into bed and pulled the covers over himself. He was half hoping that Benrey would follow suite and crawl in with him, but the other half was begging for them to not do that. What the fuck did he even do? Yearn too long to the point it was uncomfortable? Yea, that's exactly what he did, and he had a feeling Benrey knew. Why did he have to have these stupid nonsensical feelings and ruin everything? Why did he even like Benrey? There was no way they could reciprocate it, what with all Gordon killing them in Xen and kicking them out of his house after. It was just like him to fall victim to Benrey fake flirting; proving he was really as stupid as he seemed-

Gordon didn't even realize he was crying until the door creaked open and there was a dip in the bed behind him. He quickly wiped his face and tried to pretend he was asleep, but didn't do a very good job.

"i know you're awake man." came from behind him. Fuck.

"I'm- Gordon's asleep now. Shush." came the reply in a vain attempt to get Benrey to leave him alone. It clearly didn't work, because Benrey sat up and leaned against the wall that the head of the bed touched.

"why'd you get all quiet back there?" they asked, a sincere tone creeping into their voice.

Gordon inhaled sharply, considering whether to reply or not.

"I...I dunno man. 'M Sorry I ruined the night.." Gordon said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. He shuddered at the crack in his voice when he said that, curling in tighter on himself. He flinched when a hand appeared on his shoulder, but made no move to get rid of it.

"you didn't ruin it though... well- kinda fucked it up when you dipped and left me. mario kart isn't as fun when you're playing by yourself, you should know this."

"I'm- what are you trying to insinuate?" Gordon asked, a small grin starting to tug on the corners of his mouth.

"'m saying that your a- you always play single player, dude. never even- bet you don't even know what a co-op means, bro. co-op is always more fun. 'specially with you." they said the last part a bit quieter than the rest, but Gordon still caught it. He slowly shuffled around until he was sitting up next to Benrey. Neither of them said anything for a bit, and Gordon stared straight ahead into the darkness. He knew that Benrey kept quickly glancing at him and looking away just as fast. Gathering what Black Mesa left of his shredded courage, he sighed.

"Why've you been avoiding me?"

Now it was Benrey's turn to be awkward and weird as they stuttered out a reply, "what? i've- i'm- i haven't been- i'm not- i haven't been doing that i dunno what you're talking about."

Gordon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And don't think I haven't been noticing you using my phone." Benrey shrunk away more at the words, seemingly trying to disappear. What was a bit odd was that Benrey was perfectly capable of no-clipping away, but they stayed put. "Dude, you can just...ask? I don't even use it that much..."

They mumbled something so quiet to the point that Gordon couldn't even hear it, triggering a small "What?" from him.

"was callin' tommy..." they said a bit louder.

"Oh..." Gordon whispered in reply, pausing for a few seconds to let it sink in, "Why're you calling Tommy?"

"uh- some top secret stuffs, you're not allowed to know about it...yet." the very last word wasn't spoken out loud, merely mouthed silently after. Gordon wheezed at the words, placing a heavy hand on Benrey's shoulder.

"Ok, ok, you can keep your secrets," he said, rubbing his eyes and laying down. "Just ask when you wanna call Tommy so I'll know, ok?"

Benrey nodded vigorously.

"I'm gonna uh- go to sleep now, 'ts late. G'night Benrey."

"nighty night, gordon." they replied, shuffling comfortably into place.

Gordon went to sleep rather fast, leaving Benrey alone with their thoughts. Back and forth on their conversations with Tommy, and whether they should tell Gordon or not. They still couldn't figure out Gordon's stance on the matter at the moment, which was annoying as hell.

An idea popped into their little raisin brain like a cheap light bulb, flickering a bit and needing a flick or two to get going.

If Gordon didn't like them already, they were gonna do whatever it took to get him to. Little baby ideas funneled off larger ones, until a nearly full plan was laid out. Oh this was gonna be so great, Benrey could see it already.


	11. get your food suit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY I DIED FOR LIKE TWO MOINTH SCHOOL SHOT ME IN TH FACE 15 TMES AHKGGSGSAJ   
> anyways heres that last chappy enjoy

When he was finally thrust into consciousness, Gordon didn't expect to be graced by the smell of bacon and eggs. It was a bit jarring and it definitely left him fumbling for his glasses (which he didn't exactly remember taking off last night). Stumbling in a tired haze towards the door, the smell of bacon and eggs grew stronger as Gordon started to briefly wonder if he was hallucinating.

When he opened the door he could hear Benrey's singing, along with some sizzling and general kitchen noises. There was a tinge of burnt something in the air, and Gordon could _feel_ the headache forming in the back of his head.

"Benrey?" he groaned from the doorway, "What are you doing?"

A few inaudible curses sounded from around the corner, accompanied by the clang of a pan. "you- you're not sposed to be awake yet! go back to sleep! big uh- big strong science man need his sleep to do..science...things?" they sounded unsure of themself at the end, the demand coming out more like a question.

"That...doesn't reassure me at _all_." Gordon said, taking only a couple seconds to solidify his decision. He took about two steps out the door before Benrey was in front of him, spatula in hand. They started to ramble about something breakfast related, and began to gently push him back into the doorway. Their head only came up to about Gordon's chin, so it wasn't much trouble to push them off.

"no urgh- hey please don't go there? it's a uh- cool surprise oouugghh very cool surprise-" Benrey pleaded as Gordon went down the hall. Right as he was about to round the corner, Benrey appeared in front of him. "please don't?"

Gordon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "If I go back to my room, can you _please_ promise me you won't burn down my kitchen?"

"why would i- who would do that?"

"YOU WOULD! Well- maybe Bubby too but he's not here right now so you are the most likely to- I'm getting off topic. Don't burn my kitchen down. _Please._ " And with that, Gordon turned and went back into his room.

" _holyshitthatworked-"_ Benrey spewed the second Gordon was out of earshot. They shook their head quickly, knocking the objective back into place.

_1\. make a bangin breakfast_

_2\. give to Gordon_

_3\. get him to date me_

That was the whole plan at the moment, and if the breakfast didn't work, Benrey felt like they might pull a Bubby and combust. So far, frantic googling had gotten them the recipe to french toast and how to make (and not burn) eggs. Which was going great. They made enough french toast form themself and Gordon, and left a raw egg and some scrambled eggs as a side.

It was _perfect._ Benrey's hands shook a bit as they lifted the two plates, and took slow, careful steps down the hall. At one point they almost dropped their single raw egg, which would've been a nightmare and a half, but somehow managed to catch it with a socked foot. A few more wobbly steps and the door opened before they could even try to open it themself.

Gordon was there, squinting like he walked into a could of vape.

"why ya. squinting so hard man. also look i made breakfast let me in? so we can eat our-our cool breakfast?"

He blinked at Benrey, completely caught off guard at the presence of food. Food that Benrey made.

"I. I didn't even know you were capable of actually making food.." Benrey made a noise of agreement, and didn't wait for an answer as they pushed their way past Gordon. They sat on the edge of the unmade bed, placing their plate next to them being careful of the single raw egg. Gordon sat next to them and took the plate when their outstretched hand presented it to him. Together, they ate quietly. The only words that were heard was when Gordon asked if Benrey boiled a single egg for themself. Of course, Benrey stared straight into Gordon's eyes and took half a bite of the raw egg. Gordon didn't have it in him to cringe, so he laughed.

That glorious, infectious laugh that Benrey was starstruck at. A drip of raw egg slid down their chin. When Gordon opened his eyes, he saw Benrey looking at him like he was the moon. He placed his hand on their shoulder, and their hand curled up and around his wrist.

"You-You've got egg on your face!" he wheezed again.

"wanna kiss about it?"

"Maybe I do!" Gordon regretted the words the second they came out of his mouth.

"uh- you still owe me one. from. the. powerade place." Benrey muttered, holding tight on Gordon's wrist.

"The-the powerade place?" Gordon cried, using his other hand to cover his eyes while he laughed.

"yea the uh. you said. you said to save the lovin' for later. 's later now..." they strung to words together carefully, hoping Gordon's raisin brain would kick in and he'd remember.

"I.. I guess I _did_ say that.." the tips of his ears and nose began to warm.

There was a short silence between them. Gordon's hand was still stuck on Benrey's shoulder. The tension was so thick you could swim in it.

A second passed by, and it was that second Gordon looked up and met Benrey's eyes. He moved his hand up slowly to their face, their hand shifting to his.

It was quick. You'd blink and miss it. But it _happened_ and it was _real_ and Benrey face lit up like a Christmas tree. Gordon laughed genuinely and pulled his hand away, only for Benrey to lunge forward and wrap their arms around him, plate and half eaten egg forgotten.


End file.
